Archive for the ‘First Love’ Category

1st GF (Memoir. Or not)

Posted: September 22, 2013 in First Love

Written in 1989, about 1985

It was the most wonderful of surroundings.  We were safe back then and worry-free.  I remember holding your warm, breathing body in the small bed by the window, just watching you dream.  Outside, the snow was falling in tremendous flakes and that special light that only snowfall can make reflected off your pale skin.

This was the East Village in early 1985.  We weren’t even in love yet.  I think we were in admiration.  We filled each others gaps.  Neither of us had the courage to be whole yet, then.

I watched your breasts rise and fall, your nipples barely visible in the silent snow light, your lips ever so slightly smiling.  The sleeping cats between your legs made me jealous.  I wanted to be there, filling you.  So many thoughts went through me that January night.  Would we just have a fling?  Would we start and end a relationship before the next new year?  Who could know after only a few weeks?

I held you that night as I’d always hoped I’d hold a woman.  My protective nature kept me awake to be sure you entered dreamland safely….  My protective nature and my desire to just look at you and know that you were real.  It seemed so sweet and perfect then; I felt undeserving.  But we were close and when we made love, for me it was like a new universe came into being inside my body every time.  Little by little you let me please you more, too.  I made you feel worthy, you said.  Finally.